Motherhood I always understood was going to be difficult and seeing friends become parents I knew it wasn’t an easy walk in the park but what I didn’t realise is that I would be starting my journey into motherhood alone and it’s the hardest job I’ve ever done and also been the biggest life lesson I’ll ever face.
Don’t get me wrong there is a lot of plus’s to motherhood from the hugs and kisses, dancing and singing around the living room to giggling at the silliest things. It’s full of lots of colourful drawings, numerous wonderful questions and bedtime stories. It’s seeing the world through small eyes and having a new found love and appreciation for the small things. It’s wanting to help change the world by making small changes because they want to. The best thing of all is hearing the words “Mummy, I love you” because those four words just make everything okay and you cannot beat it.
But then there is the not so thrilling things of realising your arguing with a smaller version of yourself who is just as stubborn if not more so than you especially when it gets to bedtime and they decide that this is the perfect time to ask the numerous wonderful questions or tell you about their day because they’ve suddenly realised they didn’t do “nothing” all day at school, which was the answer they had given hours earlier.
I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the overwhelming mix of emotions you feel either becoming a mother from the amount of love you feel for this small person, it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before but that incredible love brings on the deepest fears from them either hurting themselves, someone being cruel or you feeling like you’re fail them somehow.
The amount of guilt you feel is crazy too especially when you cannot help comparing them to others when other mothers are saying for example “My child is reading at this level” or “My child can ride their bike already” and it’s not because you believe your child should be there (all children do things at their own pace and style) it’s because you feel like your doing something wrong as a mother when your actually not.
Now being a single parent brings all this and more, there is no one to share the enchanting moments with or someone to share the tantrums with plus you take for granted the small things like being able to pop to the shop for milk without having to convince said small person to leave the house to do so and the loneliness you will face is really tough.
I knew this was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I didn’t realise it was going to be this hard. No one can honestly prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster your going to ride, for how tired your going to feel especially when your also working full time or how tough some days are going to be.
The craziest thing is thou I’ve been on this journey from the moment my little boy was born and I wouldn’t change any of it, being a mother to him has brought out the best person in me and I see things so differently and clearer than I did before. Being a single mother has also made me aware of how incredibly strong you have to be and are, it’s shown me that I’m a lot braver than I ever gave myself credit for in the past (I can catch spiders now instead of running away) and it’s all because I know when I have days when I just want to give up and give into all the struggles that come with being on your own that I have my little boy watching my every move and it gives me the strength to fight on and find a way to make it work for him.
Disney Walk of Life 